I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
