she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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