so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
