i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
