yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
