I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
