So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
