Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
