I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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