I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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