i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
