I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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