So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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