worst night to have a conscience
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
