i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
