You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
