if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
