guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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