it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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