Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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