Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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