No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
there is puke in my bra ... again
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