i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I think my fart just growled at me.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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