i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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