a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
