R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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