the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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