Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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