Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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