so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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