After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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