Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
