i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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