Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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