Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
