Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You pole danced in your parka.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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