The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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