quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
