Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
