Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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