He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
