your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
