My hair reeks of homosexuality.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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