Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
