He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
