what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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