# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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