A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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