I think I won the penis lottery.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
