that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
then he tried to convert me to islam
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize
