at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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