so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize