Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
