You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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