he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
