it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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