But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
