im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just want to make out with him forever
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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