did you get engaged???
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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