Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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