I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
