I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
