come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
