I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
