My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
