So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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