I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
