I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just gift wrapped bread.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
