Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
