As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
