shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
