great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize