I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
