So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
COCAINE IS GR8
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
