He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
