trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
