I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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