if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
