Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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