Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Text me some of your sweat
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
