She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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