Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
