I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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