ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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