I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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