I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
