at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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