Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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