Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
