come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
