there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
