I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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