hotel room ftw
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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