No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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