I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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