How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
