Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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