I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Randomize
